Exactly one year ago, I posted this rather cryptic message on my old blog:

Now I feel like I can finally disclose that it was the first page of my LSAT book, which I honestly barely cracked open…I bought it for the aesthetics of its packaging (the book had nice font/design) rather than the content.

I can’t believe that a year later, I’m here on my way to visiting law schools I’ve been accepted to. It’s crazy to think that several small sparks can turn into a huge life change.

And what were those small sparks?

There were plenty of things, but before I get into that, I feel that I need to make it clear that I never thought I would want to go to law school. Some people grow up thinking/knowing they want to be lawyers. I can barely get into an argument with someone without bursting into tears (my brother can attest to this). It was never even a potential in my mind when thinking about careers throughout my undergrad or even my post-grad years. I thought I wanted to be a journalist (hated my short stint in broadcast journalism at UCLA), then potentially in PR (the worst!), then maybe something in museum curation (but my internship at MOCA diverted this dream), then seriously considered being a librarian (to the point where I even attained my Library & Info Science degree). Then somehow I got swept into digital advertising as a move cross-country put me in desperation mode for any full-time position.   The past several years have served me well, especially moving from agency life to the publisher side. I rarely feel stressed at work, and I am surrounded by fun, relaxed, and likable people. It’s a great job with great perks.

But then strangely, in the past year and a half, there have been odd (almost sneaky) ways that God has been changing/opening up my heart towards this completely unexpected path. There were series of things that I’ve seen and watched that piqued my interest in the legal field and in criminal justice specifically. Every time I tell people about my impending career change, they usually respond by saying “It’s because of Serial, wasn’t it?!” And I admit I was a little overly obsessed (and annoyingly vocal about my obsession) with the podcast, but that was just the tip of the iceberg. There were a lot of different little sparks that led me to the place where I am: picking up random books about prison inmates (both fiction/nonfiction) at the “library” in my office to watching documentaries on mass incarceration to creating a true friendship with my prison penpal (that is a whole other story in and of itself).

However, it wasn’t until I picked up “Just Mercy” by Bryan Stevenson, the founder of the Equal Justice Initiative, that my sentiments spurred into action. I felt stirred, moved, and outraged for this vulnerable population who were misunderstood and deprived of proper representation. I was brought to tears as I read about the tragic stories of prisoners who died without a fair trial as well as redemptive ones about those who were exonerated. Those stories led me to a path of realization that I wanted to do something… that I needed to do something. (If you don’t have the time/investment to read Stevenson’s book, at the very least, listen to his Ted Talk).

I know the path ahead of me won’t be easy. It won’t involve free concerts, comfortable work-life balance, or even a large paycheck. In fact, the months even leading up to taking the LSATs and applying to schools have been some of the roughest months of my life. I have forgotten what it felt like to take standardized tests and thought I was going to have panic attacks multiple times. I frequently felt anxious to the point where I would wake up with my heart feeling like it was beating out of my chest (something I have never experienced before). I think this constant state of anxiety was taking a toll on my body & health, as I lost around 10 pounds through the course of a couple months.

But somehow, even through the self-doubt, the stress, and the anxiety, I can’t deny the doors that have been opened for me. I feel like performing well on my test and even getting into schools (and scholarships) have been God-given miracles. I remember one day I opened up the bible for the first time in a long time to Hebrews (my favorite, go-to book), and Chapter 13 verse 3 said “Remember those who are in prison, as though in prison with them, and those who are mistreated, since you also are in the body.” This might not mean much to you, dear reader (if you’re still here), but 13 and 3 are my favorite numbers (I was born on 3/13), so it felt like that verse was written just for me.

I’m still pretty terrified of what the future holds, but at the same time, hopeful of what it’ll bring.

So stay tuned.

When I get asked which actress I would like to play me in the biopic of my life, I would say Carey Mulligan (this is of course in some bizarro alternate universe where my life would be interesting enough to have a movie based on it and also, where I’m white). Some suggestions I got from others: Ellen Page, Zooey Deschanel, Ellie Kemper, Michelle Williams, the girl who plays Rory Gilmore (and then I get a bit offended because I find most of the people on the list slightly annoying). But I feel I relate to Carey because there’s something light, but also heavy about her. She seems emotionally weighty, but not brooding. She’s likable and delicately charming without feeling fake (this part is what I aspire to be, not necessarily what I am). She’s also not exceptionally pretty, but attractive in her own right (it helps that she has a cute accent).

I also love most of the movies/roles she’s been in, but the Carey Mulligan role/movie I relate most to would be “An Education” – one of my favorite coming-of-age movies I revisited recently.  For those who haven’t seen it, its about a young clever high school girl who has a bright future ahead of her, but gets whisked away by the marvel and promises of an older, worldly man.  Something about the almost silly, precocious airs she puts on and her desire to be so “french and sophisticated” reminds me of myself at younger age (and even now frankly). The movie itself is so dreamy and ethereal as Carey’s character Jenny wears fancy outfits that her lover buys her and the romantic trips (to Paris!) he takes her on. But then (spoiler alert!), her world comes crashing as she learns he is already married. She is heartbroken and devastated, especially after she has seemingly given up so much (losing her virginity, dropping out of school).

A movie with a similar storyline that I reference frequently is “Shopgirl” with Claire Danes and Steve Martin. Again, a story about a younger woman who falls head over heels for an older, wealthy cultured man.  Again, she gives herself fully and wholly to this man, and he can’t respond to her emotional needs & her level of commitment. In the end, he ends up feeling guilty for hurting her and ends up paying for all her school loans. (I would always say in jest that I wouldn’t mind some emotional damage in exchange for loan repayments…)

But I think the great thing about both of these stories is that the female protagonist (though they don’t come out of their situations unscathed) are able to heal from their experiences and move forward. Their romantic excursions (or detours, some might say) might have been damaging, but these experiences also helped them realize their emotional limits and weaknesses. A part of them is broken, but ultimately their spirit hasn’t been deflated.  Jenny ends up going back go school and pursuing a college education at Oxford the following year, and Claire Danes’ character decides to explore a career in art and start working at a gallery. And they both presumably find themselves in healthier relationships with guys their own age, who may not be as refined but are more (awkwardly) sincere.

So moral of the story: Don’t fall for older men. (Just kidding.)

I did love this last line/montage from the “An Education” though: “So, I went to read English books, and did my best to avoid the specky, spotty fate that Helen had predicted for me. I probably looked as wide-eyed, fresh, and artless as any other student…But I wasn’t. One of the boys I went out with, and they really were boys, once asked me to go to Paris with him. And I told him I’d love to, I was dying to see Paris… as if I’d never been.”

I think to say that I love ramen would be an understatement.

I eat ramen about twice a week (and this is a rather conservative estimate). Just this week, I ate Japanese ramen at a restaurant once and ate instant ramen twice and it’s only Thursday!

If you know me at all, I have no desire for cooking (#notwifematerial). It’s one of those things that once I have my own family someday, I wouldn’t mind cooking for them, but as a single person, I feel no need to prepare an extravagant meal for myself (I eat to live, not live to eat).  Of course, that’s completely the reverse in a social situation (this is why I take a lot of extra care when choosing my food options for group dinners; yelping/researching food is my unofficial part-time job).

However, if I’m preparing a meal for myself, the simplest, cheapest route is best. That’s why ramen is my go-to. Not only is it delicious, but it’s comfort food for me (As a latchkey kid, I grew up eating instant ramen almost on a daily basis). Ramen is my hangover breakfast, my midnight snack, and my birthday splurge meal – so versatile!

When I tell people about my ramen obsession/addiction, they are a bit alarmed. They reprimand me saying how unhealthy it is and how my sodium level must be off the charts. I mean, it can’t be that bad for you… I’m still relatively healthy (or that’s what my doctor tells me at my annual checkups).

So I decided to get to the bottom of this and asked quora (it’s actually the only question I have ever asked on quora) how bad ramen is for you. I can’t really remember the responses, but they were resoundingly negative.

I just found this article on the harmful effects of eating ramen. Apparently, “consuming too much sodium can increase a person’s risk of heart failure, osteoporosis, stroke, high blood pressure, and heart disease.” But looking at the comments (because everything written in a Comments Section is a reliable source), it looks like as long as you don’t drink as much of the soup, you should be good to go!

On that note, here are some notable NYC ramen spots:

Best ramen spot ever: RamenYA!
-consistently delicious broth
-pork is extremely tender (this is really important to me since I find chewing tiring)
-not toooo long of a wait
-two locations within 10 min of each other
-decently priced AND you can get a side bowl of a gyu-don for supercheap

Most overrated ramen spot ever: Ippudo
-if I talk to anyone about ramen, and they say Ippudo is their favorite spot, I legit get angry
-pork is tough
-smaller than normal portions
-overpriced
-overly long wait

Ramen spot with most perks: The Graffiti Room
-decent ramen
-cute/funky ambience
-but the thing that sets this place apart is the amount of free pickled side dishes (as a Kimchi lover, this is v. important to me)

The ramen spot that questionably gave me the worst food poisoning I’ve had in my life: Sapporo
-can’t remember what the ramen tasted like because I’ve deleted that night from my memory
-might’ve lost 6+ pounds
-we’re suspecting it was the water?

Up & coming ramen spot: Syo
-in Astoria
-great tonkotsu soup (my fave kind of ramen)
-it’s in Astoria!

In the past, I’ve written off reality shows (especially ones involving love + romance + caricature-like people), because they were a waste of time and brain space. I can barely get myself invested in critically acclaimed shows (I will watch “The Wire” one day), why would I waste my time on mind-numbing programs that provide no value to my life?

But this past year, I got sucked into this godforsaken show, the Bachelor, because of my roommate and a guy I was talking to at the time of Kaitlyn’s Bachelorette season. It’s horrible, but I succumbed to the drama and the fanfare of it.  Also, I had to admit it was fun to have something to talk/rant to people about and somewhat reduced the pain of Monday blues. Also, more than the show itself, I thoroughly enjoyed the commentary/live tweets about the show (Yes, I was one of those people), especially those of the satirical, trollish variety.  Oh, those people on the internet can be cruel, but oh so clever.

Needless to say, the show is ridiculous.  How can you possibly get engaged to someone after going on a few dates (if that) in a completely romantically contrived environment? While you’re also dating several other women? But as I was watching the season, I just realized how sad it all was. Even sadder that some of the stuff the contestants would say or feel would somewhat resonate with me. During “The Women Tell All” episode (this is the penultimate episode where all the eliminated contestants get back together and recap/relive all the drama from the season), the show’s host was consoling one of the contestants (probably the one girl who was the most genuine and had the most depth) that despite how “complicated” she was, Ben (the bachelor) thought she was something really special. The host Chris Harrison said it in a subconsciously condescending way that somehow was expected to diminish all of the girl’s insecurities and validate her as a human being.  This show is basically saying that a man’s approval should be enough for a woman to “get over herself.” (Apparently I wasn’t the only one upset about this as I heard Amy Schumer and the host got in a little twitter tiff about it). This theme was emphasized pretty much every episode when the eliminated girls would be sobbing in the back of a limo, claiming how unlovable they were and how now they should just “give up on love” and live alone with a bunch of cats (I’m not exaggerating… I’m legit quoting one of the contestants).  And of course, the most leggy, blonde, and simple woman was the “winner.” (Though no hate towards Lauren B. as she is undeniably adorable & seems like the perfect match to a similarly simple guy.)

I’m genuinely happy for the couple this season (or as happy as a stalking stranger can be) as they will be the most wonderfully beautiful, vanilla, and Instagram-able couple ever. Despite his fickle heart during the season, I still think Ben Higgins is a decent guy and will be committed (this is all based on what the telly has brainwashed me to think and it helps that he shares the surname of a certain Henry). I hope they last and make beautiful vanilla babies.

And with that said, no more Bachelor for me.

Around this time of year, a steady and irrational fear starts slowly mounting inside of me….the “unlucky” 13th is coming around the corner.

To provide some context, I was always painfully shy as a child… so shy that I would lock myself in my bedroom as my brother and his friends would play video games in the living room.  I would only dash out of my room to use the restroom, in hopes that they wouldn’t see me.

I was scared and anxious of being the center of attention.  For instance, I quit ballet (a hobby that I genuinely enjoyed and loved) during my grade school years, entirely because my ballet instructor made me dance in the front for one of our dance recitals.

Photo evidence:

(I’m so over it…)

So you can see why I’d be traumatized by birthdays.

One of my most vividly horrifying memories was in fourth grade in Mr. Hubbard’s class (R.I.P. to one of my favorite teachers of all time). He was a very sweet, dear old man who liked to shower us with attention on our birthdays.  For my birthday, he decided to carry me in my chair above his head (Jewish wedding Hora style), while everyone gawked and sang happy birthday to me.  I was mortified.

Another time in high school, my best friends decided to make a huge birthday banner for me and put up in our central quad. I was so embarrassed, I refused to eat in the quad.  My friends were upset at what an ingrate I was (they spent hours making the poster), and we got in a fight which ended up with me in tears.

Luckily for me, since high school, my best friend just happened to have her birthday only a few days after mine.  So whenever we celebrated, it would be a joint festivity rather than a day just for me.  Not only that, but for some reason there just seems to be a lot of birthdays in my birthday week (March babies are the best babies).

The concept of birthdays is still strange to me.  We’re celebrating when you were born? Shouldn’t we be celebrating mothers this day instead? You didn’t do anything spectacular to be born… it wasn’t even of your own volition! Mother’s day should be their child’s (or children’s) birthday(s). According to this dubious site, some villages/countries in Asia and Africa don’t celebrate birthdays.  If it was up to me, we would celebrate certain milestones, but an annual thing just seems excessive.

The name? 

small fry: insignificant people or things

I’ve always been about the underdog. The underrated. The underappreciated.  Some people have attributed this to a “hipster mentality” – always claiming to have liked things first or dismissing things/people once they become too “cool” or “overhyped.” And though I might be guilty of such thinking, I’d like to believe that it’s more about a growing, underlying focus in my life to root and advocate for those that need and/or deserve a voice.

Also, I think its a continual reminder for humility (something I definitely need more of). We are all small fries.

But why soggy?

Soggy fries are the best. They’re delicious, esp. those of the Mcdonald/Carls Jr variety. After numerous polls & convos, I’ve realized that I’m in the minority in this opinion. So I held on to this high & mighty position that soggy fry lovers were unique, elite beings amongst the masses of crunchy fry lovers. (Yes, a completely deluded and unsubstantiated view, but who can stop me.)

No, but why another blog?

I probably have a handful of blogs (both private/public), but I decided I needed to start afresh for this new chapter in my life: a chapter of adulthood. I know that I technically became an adult over 10 years ago, but what can I say? I’ve always been a little behind (got my drivers license at age 18, purchased my first bed at 27, rode my first bike two years ago) and like so many others in my generation, I’ll embarrassingly  admit I’ve been stuck in a horribly delayed adolescence.  Also, actively writing to a small audience (might even be an audience of one) will keep me somewhat accountable for my writing, my life and its meanderings.

So, here goes it.