I thought by the end of this month, I would have a clear direction & answer.  That I would know what school I’d be attending and what city I’ll be living in.  If I would feel assured of staying in NYC or if I needed to prepare my heart for the cross-country move.  But nay, as fate’s cruel hand would have it, this torturous season of waiting has been extended.

A huge part of me wants to kick & scream. I can be a pretty impatient person; I have this strong sense of urgency when it comes to my plans and even my day-to-day life.  I need to take action, make strides. And this state of uncertainty has crippled me in regards to moving forward with my life.

So what can a person do at this point?

Since it’ll be a more heartbreaking decision to leave NYC, I decide to assume I’ll be leaving as a default. So as I spend (what could be) my last months here, I try to find reasons to hate this city (which actually has been pretty difficult due to the glorious weather).

The subway is taking forever.

Ugh, Duane Reade wastes too many plastic bags. (Eco-friendly markets in LA would never do this.)

A latte & rice krispies treat breakfast almost cost me $10. 

Cockroaches. Rats. People. Everywhere.

But even as I pointedly complain to myself, I find my own efforts unconvincing.   Almost like if there’s this dream guy who doesn’t really express interest in you, and you just try to feebly make reasons to dislike him though you know deep inside, these are just micro flaws that you’d wholeheartedly overlook if he’d just have you.

So since this isn’t working, I decide to make the most of the last few months here (though it might make parting that much more painful).

Well, here’s my (growing) bucket list so far:

1. Brooklyn Botanical Gardens
2. Outdoor movie nights!
3. NYC rooftop views (Top of the Rock, Empire State Building?)
4. A Central Park Summerstage show
5. Late Show w/Colbert
6. Comedy show (this particular one that my friend has been raving about)
7. Hamilton!!!