I’ve recently purchased Notorious RBG as I was casually perusing through the Rizzoli bookstore when I had to kill time.  I figured I needed some new law school inspo, and I’ve known about Ruth Bader Ginsburg and that she was somewhat of a badass (an 80+ year old woman serving on the Supreme Court is pretty badass in and of itself).  It was amazing to read the breakthroughs she made as a woman in the legal field (top of her class at both Harvard & Columbia Law,  one of the first women to teach law, the second woman to be on the Supreme Court) as well as what did for women through law (rights for pregnant women, rights for women in the military, etc.).  And it was interesting to see how she wasn’t this highly aggressive, in-your-face type of lawyer either; she was someone who was strong but reserved, and she preferred working slowly but effectively rather than quickly trying to turn things upside down.

But what spoke to me most about her story was her extremely touching relationship with her husband Marty.  RBG & Marty met when they were both college students at Cornell and they connected instantly.  When thinking about their future together, Marty suggested that they work in the same profession so they could speak the same language and have more to bond over; they both decided on law.  As they both studied at Harvard Law, Marty was diagnosed with cancer during his second year. RBG didn’t want him to fall behind so she helped him with his work on top of her heavy courseload.  That’s when she realized she could survive off of one hour of sleep. She made more sacrifices for him & her family throughout her life: she gave up her Harvard Law degree to move to NY with Marty when he got a job at a top-notch NY firm and she put her career on hold to raise their children. However, what’s beautiful about their marriage is that he did the same for her when it became her time to shine; Marty’s the one who encouraged and recommended her for the position on the Supreme Court and he became a house-husband (& an amazing chef) later in their lives so that she could excel in her career.

An excerpt about their relationship from the book:

“I was always in awe of her,” says former clerk Kate Andrias, “but there was something disarming about seeing her with a partner who adores her but also treats her like a human being.” Another clerk, Heather Elliott, wrote about one late night, after an event, when RBG was working in chambers while Marty read quietly. “I started to talk to her about the research I had done, and while I was talking, Marty got up and walked toward us. I started freaking out in my mind—‘Is what I am saying that stupid? What is he coming over here for?!’—only to watch him come up to RBG, fix her collar (which had somehow fallen into disarray), and then go back to his book. The comfortable intimacy of that moment was something I will always remember.” 

RBG told me, “Marty was always my best friend.”

That remarkable intimacy had survived Marty’s bout with cancer in law school, and RBG’s two diagnoses, a decade apart. Cancer had left them alone long enough to be together for the nearly sixty years they had been best friends. But it came back. In 2010, doctors said Marty had metastatic cancer.

“If my first memories are of Daddy cooking,” their daughter, Jane said, “so are my last. Cooking for Mother even when he could not himself eat, nor stand in the kitchen without pain, because for him it was ever a joy to discuss the law over dinner with Mother while ensuring that she ate well and with pleasure.”

My heart. It aches.

Oh, and just to end on a light note, I can’t leave out how she fell asleep during the State of the Union.  She defended herself by saying she wasn’t “100% sober.” I love this woman.